Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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