I cannot find my penis.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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