I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
