oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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