I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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