We won't sleep together?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
