guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
