I just cut my nipple shaving
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Couch. On fire.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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