dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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