you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
