Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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