She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize