She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
