I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
