I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
