He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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