Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
