I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
