i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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