I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
