When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
