there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
