he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
