Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
