i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
