At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
