Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
two words: eviction party
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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