you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
