no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
