you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
