this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
and you fell through a lawn chair
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
