i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
