So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Who died my cat blue again?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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