I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
