So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize