I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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