Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
