VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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