This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
