i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
