i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
