Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
