you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
