We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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