whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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