dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
