So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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