I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's like iHOP with fire
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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