All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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