So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just cut my nipple shaving
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
