I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
