Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
