Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
