margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
