Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
