Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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