Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
