I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
