I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
