i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
