Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
