Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
