Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
