i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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