Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
