I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
