Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
