Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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