I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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