He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
