Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
